Dec. 22, 2012


From the intense experience of spending a few nights sleeping next to a man without touching him, I realize that all my experiences with men so far have been practice for the reunion with my Soulmate. I am working toward reuniting with my eternal partner.

This belief can be found in ancient Hindu texts. It is personified by Shakti and Shiva in an eternal act of sexual penetration (with her sitting on his lap, facing him). It is called the Divine Marriage, and it is usually a union with God. However, some fortunate people in each lifetime find their partners in physical form. This is what I believe will happen (or has already happened) to me.


Right now, I am working on staying in my own head instead of trying to get into my partner’s head. I have always attempted to blend my consciousness with my lover’s consciousness simply because I though that’s was what one did.

Mind-melding is a recipe for losing oneself. It immediately eliminates ME (the person my Divine Other will recognize as his Eternal Partner). And it eliminates ME from my own consciousness. My Soulmate and I are effortlessly ONE. There is no work to do to achieve the state of union (except work on oneself as an individual).

My life is ruled by my imagination, my intuition, my thoughts, my feelings, and, of course, my physical sensations. Thanks to these states of grace, I survive, physically and psychologically, to make my way through my life. If I give myself away to my partner, then I have given away my power, my inner lioness, my spiritual strength. Then, I am  truly lost for I have surrendered my precious Self.

“If you believe in things you don’t understand, then you suffer.” (from a song) This is true; the Eternal Soulmate is such a belief. It may not be true, but I’m going to give it all I have. I am a True Believer.

I don’t care who reads my thoughts about love.

According to the One Eternal Soulmate belief, one doesn’t “pick” their Soulmate. He/she is just yours or he/she isn’t. I think Soulmates recognize each other based on their current level of spiritual development; the more evolved they are the more likely that they will find and know each other.

I believe Soulmates are at the same level of spiritual development. Soulmates are evolving together through life, even though they have been temporarily separated.


Yesterday was a big celebration of life. Some people took the ancient Mayan Prophecy so literally that they believed the world would end. It didn’t end, and I felt unusually happy to be alive!

I asked the guard at the park in parade (i.e., the whole park area) between both ends of King Street, “What is the name of this park?” She replied, “Saint William Grandpa.” Sunny (my next CS host) told me it’s actually “Sir William Grant Park.” I was hearing the patwa (patois). It will always be Saint William Grandpa Park to me!

Today I’m going over to Sunny’s house and leaving the boys in the band. It’s been fun, but now I gotta go. I miss Ben already; with his winning sincerity, sincere compassion, and ego-less humility, he stole my heart.

I would love it if Ben were my ONE LOVE, my spiritual Other Half. But it’s not a choice; it’s an eternal union. Soulmates like this have been ONE from the beginning. In fact, there was no beginning: this mystical union always was, is now, and will be throughout all eternity.

I would like it to be Ben because he is such a truly GOOD person. I love him for that, and many other people will also love him for his inner beauty. I know my Soulmate is that beautiful.

If you truly love someone, you wish them all the good things in life: love, happiness, autonomy, family, friends, pleasures of all kinds, creativity, joy, perfect contentment, nirvana (or full spiritual awareness), health and well-being, total self-expression, and complete freedom.

“We are ONE, but we’re not the same. We have to carry each other, carry each other.” (from the song ONE)

If Ben is my Soulmate, we can’t be “together” as a couple in this life due to the 40 year age difference. Whoever my Soulmate is, we must each pursue happiness on our own. If it is Ben, the reunion will have happened (at Cass’ house in Kingston, Jamaica). And, if it’s not Ben, it will be someone who is coming to me soon. I know this, and I will wait for him.

Perhaps after all, my Soulmate is Jeremy Birkhead, who awakened my consciousness though a six-week long mystical experience fifteen years ago in Ventura, California.


I am on The Beauty Way of the Navajo, with Grandmother Spider weaving the web of the world every day. My teacher and guide (in the flesh) is Walking Thunder, Dine (Navajo) Medicine Woman from Two Grey Hills, New Mexico (Ferlin Begaye’s hometown). I trust Walking Thunder (Juanita Peters), and I know she will guide me to my ONE LOVE, to peace, and to the right way of living (i.e., what’s right for me).

Whoever my Eternal Flame is, I know he will appear (now or later) without me taking any action whatsoever. If I have already met him, he will appear in my life again, sooner or later. No worries; no striving; no searching; no trying.

I trust Ben to always tell me the truth; he brings out the best in me; and I can be my REAL Self with him. I will pray to St. Jude, expect a miracle, and, no matter what happens, I will Be Happy!

A few weeks ago, I saw my Soulmate in a dream: he was very young, thin, not short but not tall (medium height), and blond. A very different look than I have usually gone for in men during my life. Ben is rather like this.

Recently, I also had my first conscious dream of flying. I was a bird.

Juanita Peters (Walking Thunder) is a traditional Dine (Navajo) medicine woman and one of the few women now practicing this art. She was born in Shiprock, New Mexico, in 1951 and grew up on the Navajo Reservation at Two Grey Hills, NM.



The Apostle Saint Jude Thaddeus is “The Miraculous Saint,” the Catholic Patron Saint of “lost causes” and “cases despaired of.”When all other avenues are closed, he is the one to call upon, and his help often comes at the last moment.



Ladyhawke is a 1985 fantasy film directed by Richard Donner, starring Matthew Broderick, Rutger Hauer, and Michelle Pfeiffer.

A thief called “The Mouse” escapes the dungeons of medieval Aquila, setting in motion a chain of events that may save or destroy a beautiful woman and a brave captain.

The two lovers are doomed to lifelong separation by a demonic curse invoked by the corrupt and jealous Bishop of Aquila: by day Isabeau is transformed into a hawk, while at night Navarre becomes a wolf.

Imperius, the monk who betrayed them, has found a way to break the curse, but only if he and the Mouse can get them back into Aquila to face the Bishop.


Could it be true that My One, True Love is a predator (tiger, lion, wolf) by night, and that I am a bird (hawk, eagle, vulture, raven) by day? And that, therefore, we have been separated and longing for each other throughout many incarnations?

If so, I know we can break the curse, WITH HELP from the Powerful Spirits surrounding and protecting us and from some special Others  (some Sentient Beings in physical form). Perhaps the curse has already been broken.


A female musician from New Zealand, home of the Maori, calls herself “Ladyhawke.”


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