Jan. 21, 2013 (1)

A few more insights into my Ayahuasca experience:

All through the night, I would “wake up” (from my occasional half-sleeps). and I would try to reassert control over my physical body (I told myself it was so I wouldn’t get sick and throw-up, but I believe I want control because these dark spirits that I mentioned have been in control for far too long).

Each time I woke up like this, a frightening or seductive scenario would be playing out right in front of my eyes (I could “see”’ it). It was difficult to regain my sense of the physical. I did pretty well.

During the limpia, I saw one aggressive dark spirit leave from the top of my head; another, weaker spirit left soon afterward.

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My first vision was all pale blue and white bubbles (large and small) on a sea of water (same colors). It was pleasant. The second vision of the small, straight lines at sharp angles to one another (like a cathedral ceiling) was pleasant at first, and then it became harsh and unpleasant.

The vision of a “hand” around my whole face, lifting it off my skull, is familiar. I must have had it before. Pachamama was showing me that my face is not who I am, it is not real or eternal. I know that my spirit is real and eternal and IS the real me. That is “where” or “who” I AM. Nevertheless, it was an unpleasant image and sensation.

I rejected all these visions in favor of fighting the demons for control of my mind/body. Each time I reasserted control I went inward for my familiar sense of my physical body. Although this body is not “real,” it is totally essential for me to know I, and not bad spirits (nor my society), have control of it. I will not be brainwashed, and I will not surrender my soul to the devil. I will never be loved until I expel the negative energy within me and return to my true, pure, beautiful Self.

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The next time I do Ayahuasca (or peyote, etc.), I hope I will be able to let go and feel safe from all evil. Then, I will flow with the visions.

I already feel an expanded  enlightenment/awareness from the Ayahuasca experience. I had sufficient “travelling” during the night’s journey with the Yage spirit to allow me to really FEEL how the spirit world, the dream world, and my waking world are one and the same. They are joined; there are no barriers except those we set up.

I invited my own personal seven (or more?) spirits along on my Ayahuasca journey. I hope they came and saw what they wanted to see.

Before we drank the Ayahuasca, the shaman’s assistant blew tobacco (in a pulverized, dust form) into our noses as we inhaled through our mouths. This was to open a passage above our noses (where the third eye is) to help the Ayahuasca work better.

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Here are a few notes I made at the Yage site, the morning after the ceremony: Trust. Sex is good. I am clear. Don’t expect other beings to change to suit me; I have to make the changes I want WITHIN myself. I honor my own needs by acting upon myself to meet those needs.

Feb. 11: in Putamayo, 5,000 Indians will be dancing at their New Year celebration. Taita Krispin invited us to come.

Three Scorpios there before the ceremony: me (identified by my Scorpion necklace from Hilo, Hawaii; and a man and woman (couple) with Ayahuasca beaded bracelets with Scorpions on them. The man said the shaman believes he Scorpion is very powerful.

Collecting my Sacred Experiences:

Ayahuasca (Venezuela)

Sun Bear (Ojai Foundation, Ojai) with Seth

Saw Mother Teresa (San Francisco)

Heard Dalai Lama speak (Santa Cruz)

Mystical Experience six-weeks long (with Jeremy Birkhead, Ventura)

Woman, Whole: sexual being, mother, goddess (Pachamama, etc.).

Ayahuasca robbed my body of B vitamins. I feel shaky. Jean Luis said we must take Vit. D with Calcium for absorption of the calcium.

I resist social pressure to conform and to uphold established rules of social behavior.

Autistics: “An Alternate Reality” (from GRASP’s Jan. online newsletter)

At the Ayahuasca ritual, I maintained my position as a loner. It’s who I am, and it’s what I like to do/be. It’s comfortable. But I was the only participant who maintained a solitary position. (Jean and Susy told me they both saw me sitting at the fire pit with the others at one point. They called to me and I waved to them. I completely forget this!)

While I knew the taita would approve of my choice to be a loner at the ritual, I sensed some disapproval from the aggressively communal Venezuelans. (This may have been my imagination.) There’s very little silence among Venezuelans (similar to other Latin people) ; they relate to each other almost constantly. (This may be even more true among the indigenous or country people here. I don’t know.)

I love silence and alone-time. The sounds of Nature are beautiful to me; I don’t need to hear human voices all the time. This isn’t “right,” it’s just who I am.

Jean Luis is a shaman-in-training. That’s how he appears to me. He has lots of plant and natural healing knowledge; in addition, he is an awesome host: unfailingly generous, really humorous and touchingly sincere. Susy is an Earth Mother-in-training. She’s exceptionally kind, gentle, and wise. During the Yage ceremony, she let out her inner feelings and had an awesome “trip.” It was the third Ayahuasca ritual for both Susy and Jean Luis.

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Today is the feast day of Cumana’s patron saint, Santa Ines. It’s a holiday in Cumana: no one is working today! Lots of such holidays here. We had a big breakfast of little, fried, fresh fish (with lime juice), fresh parmesan cheese (queso del mano), arepas (freshly made white corn cakes we bought at a stand on the road), and juice of fresh passion fruit and aloe vera. You can imagine how good all this was!

I got a ticket this morning for a bus to Caracas tonight at 9 pm. $70 bolivares.

Wild dogs (usually short-haired and tannish-brown in color) are everywhere here. Puppies, females with drooping teats, randy males, slightly injured dogs, old dogs. They may stop to scratch themselves in the middle of a busy street; they walk down the center of the road, demanding respect. For the most part, these dogs are respected, and the vast majority look healthy. They are proud animals with lives of their own. The indoor, “kept” dogs here are less happy, sometimes abused, and well-fed. I’d rather be a wild dog.

The flexibility of driving here is amazing. It has a lot to do with Venezuela being a small, homogeneous culture. The infrastructure is good and excellent roads are well-maintained. Roadside trash is present. Drivers give each other lots of room, mentally and physically: they give each other the benefit of the doubt. Kindness and tolerance exist on the roads.

Homosexuality has to be hidden here. As Jean Luis explained, “Venezuela is a very macho culture.” But some people are “out” and not bothered. Jean and Susy have gay male and female friends with whom they socialize in public.  One of their gay male friends returned to Saudi Arabia to live; his family (and that society) have lots of trouble accepting homosexuality.

Practice not caring what others think of me by not bragging.

The women in Venezuela tend to get fat after having a baby. Almost all the women here, regardless of their size, dress very sexy and feminine.

All of Venezuela has thirteen million people; the same number as Mexico City (which by some estimates has twenty million).

Arepas, los empanadas, and los cachappas con queso are the three most typical Venezuelan foods.

It’s best for me to have compassion for people I don’t enjoy being with. Everyone deserves compassion; I know I appreciate it from others. After assuring myself that I can feel compassion for the person, I move on. I then do what I need to do to meet MY needs. This is Bunny’s World. “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”

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I want more sacred ceremonies in my life!!

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