Feb. 10, 2013

The Mage or Magician in the tarot deck is like the number twenty-two. She knows enough (through wisdom and knowledge) to manifest dreams and visions.

She brings things out of the darkness into the light. She explores the world in order to master it. She is solar consciousness. (from Wikipedia) Note: I have changed the word “He” to “She.”

When the opportunity to use your best talents arises, your performance will seem like magic to those around you. When you have a set of plans and enact them to perfection, quickly accomplishing your goal, people will be shocked. Your accomplishments will seem ordinary to you, as if they should have happened without question, but others will look at what you do like it is a new form of magic. All of these circumstances summon forth The Magician card from the Tarot deck. This is the card of making things happen, being in control, getting what you want because you understand how to earn it … and impressing everyone in the process of doing what comes natural to you. (from Keen.com)

The Magician is associated with the planet, Mercury and carries with it skill, logic, and intellect. The number of the Magician is one, the number of beginnings. The Magician is the bridge between the world of the spirit and the world of humanity… He takes the power of the Universe and channels it through his own body and directs it to the physical plane… His magical table holds all four suits of the Tarot, each of which represents one of the four primordial elements of the alchemists – earth, air, fire and water. These symbolise the appropriate use of mind, heart, body and soul in the process of manifestation. The Magician’s robe is white, symbolising the purity and innocence found in the Fool but his cloak is red, representing worldly experience and knowledge. (from  ??)


The Fool is the first tarot trump card.

(One) interpretation of the card is that of taking action where the circumstances are unknown, confronting one’s fears, taking risks, and so on. (Wikipedia)

One can see from this depiction of the Fool that she is blind. She ventures beyond boundaries and obstacles; she blissfully ignores danger. She can not anticipate outcomes. How else can one learn about life and the world and oneself?

The Fool is like the number eleven: a dreamer who lives out her fantasies. She doesn’t yet know how to make them more than just images in her own mind.

The Magician (number twenty-two) knows what will happen when she attempts to manifest her visionary world. She has experienced these challenges before, and she has gained some degree of mastery over them.

After many years of studying tarot cards and occasionally reading them, I am finally making MY OWN SENSE of them. That’s what it takes. Gypsies read cards by intuition, not according to books.


Drinking a Panamanian SOBERANA beer. Yeah, that’s really the name. Panamanian people are very friendly and helpful. They kind of grab me and help me out, like today when I was wandering around the City, trying to find my way to the bus terminal to buy my ticket to Mexico. Then, I had to find my way back home, also on a “chicken bus” (which is just an old school bus, very cheap: a quarter, and simplified to the max).

I told Seth, my CS host here, that I will gladly sacrifice comfort for a straight, easy trip (and it was exceedingly easy, thanks to many people on the bus, including the drivers and their men who hang out the door and yell at people at every stop, announcing where the bus is going).

The Colombians were very friendly, too. In fact, as Seth and Leslie say, everyone is friendly, wherever you go. One has to actually SEARCH for unfriendly people (even in France, as Leslie and Seth joked). Letting go of my beliefs, fears, hatred, and doubts allows me to relax. When I am tranquil and calm, I can see when others need help, and I can help them. That’s what free attention does: it liberates me so I can respond to life.


Feb. 10

Most humans fear public embarrassment, loss of face. I think some other species also have this trait.

Panamanians are heavily Catholic and conservative. They have a hard time with people who are different (from mainstreamers) and social outsiders (like we Gypsies who travel through their country). Nevertheless, Panamanians have been very friendly to me.

In most societies, the groups who are different (but who are within the society) are usually the ones who are most accepting of Travellers who are passing through. Some examples of these groups are gays/lesbians, disabled people, and racial/ethnic minorities.


I love being in love (yes, I am in love with love) with a Gay, Male Nerd. It’s the most liberating love I’ve ever had. He and I are polar opposites. I wouldn’t want to have sex with him because the idea that he makes love with men, while wonderful in itself, is a real sexual turn-off. He doesn’t like the female body. Perfect. Neither of us wants sex with the other.

In my Ayahuasca experience, I had two visions: the first was lots and lots of bubbles (they seemed to be sitting on water; the colors were blue and white), and second, thousands of fine lines intersecting at all angles (they formed a roof, a ceiling–as in a woods or a cathedral; colors: black, brown, maybe some green, all on a light background).

I interpret these visions like this: the first one is me. The second one is my True Love, my Other Half. The second vision is PART OF ME, but the bubble vision is the ESSENTIAL ME.

My imaginary love (for a gay, male, nerd) is not ruled by sex (like ALL my other loves). He doesn’t evaluate me sexually (“How desirable is she?” and “How does she compare with [someone else]?”). I don’t feel like an object on Antiques Roadshow. This creative, invented relationship has depth and dimensions I’ve never known before because we are nothing alike. We are about 0.01 % similar, and the rest of our shit is all dissimilar. Fascinating.

During the day, I live in a creative, fantasy world. I make things (mental creations) and I do things (actual world-journeys [my art is travel]). At night, I lose all my physical and mental energy, and I surrender to my dream world, my Other Life. I love both realities, awake and dreaming.


Yesterday I bought my Tica Bus ticket from Panama City to Tapachula, Mexico. Here’s the schedule:


1.)    Wednesday, Feb. 13
Leave Panama City, 11 am
Arrive in San Jose, Costa Rica

2.)    Thursday, Feb. 14
Leave San Jose
Arrive in Managua, Nicaragua

3.)     Friday, Feb. 15
Leave Managua
Arrive San Carlos, El Salvador

4.)     Friday, Feb. 15
Leave San Carlos
Arrive Guatemala City

5.)      Friday, Feb. 15
Leave Guatemala City
Arrive Tapachula (Chiapas), Mexico


Here’s what I just wrote on Facebook:

Now that I know what it’s like to have a (fantasy) love affair with a Gay, Male Nerd, I’ll never go back to straight men. Relationships with straight men are way too stressful. SEX with straight men is great though (but not if “love” or emotions are involved). I don’t want to have sex with gay or bisexual men; it’s a SEXUAL turn-off for me that they fuck men.

That says it all.

Mardi Gras song from New Orleans: “If Ever I Cease To Love.”


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