April 10, 2013

April 9

Some little animal got killed outside my tent during the night. A mouse perhaps. I could hear it squeaking for a while. Was it an owl? Silent… Were those wings flapping that I heard?

I am seeking two kinds of teachers: spiritual and those who can teach me more about nature (eg. my new friend, Katie, will teach me about Alaskan wildlife, plants, and camping up there).


April 10

Good dreams lately: last night I was in a place (a town/city) that I loved. I said, “I love EVERYTHING about this place!” I called it Paris in my dream. I also was with a big, male dog whom I loved.

My dreams last night were very pleasant: the people around me LOVED me! Including a guy! We were all having lots of fun together.



I bought my ticket to Seattle for May 14.

I will fly out of Seattle to Anchorage a few days later.

I will stay in Anchorage for a little while (?); I will go up to Denali (area); I will go to Fairbanks.

That’s all I have for now. As Anya says, it’s the start of another adventure. Yes!


April 11

Ojai days: wake up around dawn in the Canyon (after a night of animals racing around my tent); walk one or two miles down the Canyon and toward town; pick oranges off trees; hitch ride 5 miles into Ojai; go immediately to a cafe for coffee, internet, socializing, newspapers (two days a week, go to gym first for shower and little workout). Wander around, and then go back up the Canyon in the (early) afternoon to observe wildlife/nature and smoke pot (legally, of course!). In my tent/bed before dusk, giving night animals space.

Two nights ago a big animal approached my camp. Bear? I sang a little song, and it retreated. All last night, some animal (rat?) ran around my tent feverishly, trying, I think, to scare me away. I had thought it was an animal killing mice (I could hear squeaking intermittently). But now, remembering a big rat trying to scare me off at my camp at the Canyon mouth, I think that’s what it is. It runs at my tent! Funny, but I hope I’m not disturbing its life too much.

Out in the woods, I am living with other species: trees, bugs, mammals, etc. In town, I am living exclusively with other humans. The woods = magic. My tent = my dream castle.

I sit at my tent in the late afternoon, listening for rattlesnakes that might approach me (unaware that I’m there). I don’t want a rattler to be caught suddenly a foot away from me; I think it would be scared and may bite me.


Ayahuasca: consciousness of my dreamlife. The shaman’s “helpers” tried to keep us awake (and, hence, conscious).


April 12

Not everyone with money has class. And not everyone with class has money.
What is “class” when the word is used in this way? It doesn’t mean social class.
Class is a kind of sensitivity to life in general, to beauty, to the inner-life, to meaning.
A person doesn’t NEED money to enjoy the pleasures of having class.
Class is not crass or ugly or brutish. It’s also not effete, selfish, greedy, maudlin, or precious. It’s a down-to-earth, real appreciation of the fineness of life. It’s a respect for all life.


Went to the Ventura (County?) transfer station (dump) the other day with Chuck (Hillman). Amazing place. Like a cathedral. Huge, high roof with water sprinklers keeping the dust down and the fire-danger low (I suppose). Seagulls (I saw at least 8) up in the rafters and flying over the whole building (which was not that big, so I suppose this was just a Ventura City dump and not for the whole county).


I have always belonged to “disreputable” social groups. Those with low social status. Women. Orphaned at birth. Adoptee. Family bastard (to my birth-families). Germans in the USA, immediately post-WW II. Autistic (though I diddn’t know this until the 1990s): I guess (??) I knew something was different about me.


April 13

Absolutely tossing and turning all night long (had some good dreams amidst the tossing though). Couldn’t find that “sweet spot” on the rocky floor of my tent. Wild things (rats??) jumping out of trees by my tent and running around, scratching through the leaves like maniacs all night.

I love that period when I return to my tent in the afternoon, just sitting around watching the life around me. I smoke pot and maybe watch some shows that were downloaded onto my computer by CSer in San Antonio.

Cliff (lives at the Heitz’ place on Casa de Paz (road) keeps giving me rides to town and let me put my stuff (extra tent, etc.) in the Airstream trailer on the property so yesterday I gave him a bottle of (cheap) wine.

Met up with Premila yesterday at Target (store at the Ventura mall). She is so wonderful. Just like a sister to me! She’s off to India next week to find a wife for Keesan (older son). Then, she’s going back in Nov/Dec/Jan. I may just be able to meet her there in Dec. That would be such a blast!


April 14

In one month from today, I fly up to Seattle. Exciting.

Woke up to rain. Soft rain, but steady and it had been going on for several hours. My tent stayed dry. Now it’s noon, and the rain has pretty much stopped. Still overcast.

Aspie girls are rare (or else just harder to identify than Aspie boys). I think Aspie girls make good “courtesans” (i.e., lovers). This is because we can detach.

I think being an Aspie sometimes (or perhaps all the time0 makes me act without thinking. Spontaneously.

Watching the British cable TV show (probably ancient by now), “The IT Crowd.” Love it because it’s about a bunch of Aspies. Like “The Big Bang Theory” on American cable TV (which I also loved). I also used to love “Third Rock From the Sun” which was about aliens, but to me they seemed very Aspie.

Sherlock Holmes in the British cable TV show of that name was called a psychopath in one early episode. He responded: “I’m a high-functioning sociopath.” This is funny partly because we Aspie are (now) called “high- functioning autistics” rather than Aspies (the term Asperger Syndrome has recently been eliminated from the physicians diagnostic desk manual). “High-functioning autism” has been a term for a long time; it co-existed with the term “Asperger Syndrome.”


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