In Whitehorse. A new place. I walk around a new town not caring about fitting in; I don’t want to fit in. I don’t want to look like I live here. I am proud to be a Gypsy. I accept my role as the Stranger, the Outsider. I have so many friends/acquaintances around the world that I know I am loved and that I do fit in with certain people in certain places.
Sometimes I feel sad and very alone, but knowing that many people care about me relieves the loneliness. My spiritual, inner life is very strong, and this also gives me strength. And my connections with nature enlarge and ennoble me.
It’s extraordinary how coolly some people in isolated places (like Whitehorse) respond to strangers. I don’t care (I’m used to it), I just notice. Whitehorse is a huge tourist destination (in summer), so this helps the locals to accept new people. The Aboriginal People here are, from what I’ve heard, open to “allies,” or people who are definitely supportive of them as individuals and as a group. Some people call Whitehorse a “bubble” because it’s set up here in a wilderness.
People in towns and cities often won’t acknowledge strangers. But to us Gypsies these townspeople are the strangers. Strange strangers.
What I am NOT interested in (in general): people. businesses. traffic/cars.
What I AM interested in: the rhythm of a place. sounds (including conversations, but not so much for their content as their pace/feeling/intent)
Taking advice from (a book about ) Bob Dylan life: be super polite and don’t play any games. Online here in downtown Whitehorse at Tim Horton’s. Rain today, and people at Tim’s are saying, “Winter’s back.”
I woke up this morning very nervous and paranoid. Was it the pot I smoked last night? Was it the hard cider I drank? Was it constipation?
I spent yesterday walking around downtown Whitehorse. Went to the Victoria Faulkner Women’s Center and Kaushee’s Place (a women’s shelter). Met some wonderful women, like Olympia at the shelter and Conch at the Center (who firmly advises me that hitching to Tok would be fine; she hitched here to Whitehorse from Ottawa). I also went to two backpackers’ hostels here; one is $30 a night. Yipes!
I like this town, Whitehorse, and I like the Yukon (and upper B.C.). I may want to spend more time around this area every year.
Whitehorse. Surfed with Teagan and Byron, and now I’m at Stephanie’s. Today, I’ll meet Anna (another local CSer) and we’ll hang out. I really like it here. I could conceivably make this town my summer residence. Winters in New Orleans, summers here, international travels in between. Sounds good to me.
I want to put together a little band and sing some songs. I was thinking about learning to play the bass. I may get a little egg-size “shaker” this week at the local music store on 3rd Ave. I am doing yoga for about 10 minutes in the morning and in the evening. It orders and grounds me. It’s also calming. I read yoga teacher Alexia Bauer’s words on Ashtanga yoga practice; here are some excerpts:
…the room fills with the collective energy created by the whispering sounds of Ujjayi breathing and each person’s quiet concentration.
The primary series is an intense physical journey inward, in which the practice becomes a tool not only to purify and strengthen the body but also to focus and strengthen the mind. Through practice the yoga practitioner slowly removes layer after layer of stress, emotional baggage, insecurities, and mental clutter, in order to see the true Self.
A student may spend several months exploring one posture, without moving beyond that point in the sequence. This allows the mind to become familiar with the sequence and gives the body time to fully absorb the benefits and lessons of each posture before moving on.
…Mysore* practice is essentially self-guided. (*…the Mysore system of practice [is] named after the city in India where it originated with Pattabhi Jois, Ashtanga’s founder.)
The student learns how each asana carefully and steadily opens, stretches, and strengthens the body. Each contains keys to locked doors that will be encountered further down the path.
This is what makes practicing Mysore so effective: Each asana is learned one at a time until the body has reached a certain proficiency in it, so progression depends on finding the keys to those locked doors. This method requires great discipline and encourages introspection. Its ultimate lesson is patience.
The asanas become a tool of self-investigation, revealing much about our personalities, our samskaras, or those deeply ingrained behavior patterns, our relationships, our emotions, and our minds.
~~from Yoga Journal, June 2013
Ode to My True Love
I have been looking for My Man, The Man, the One with whom I am locked forever in the tantric love position (me sitting on his dick throughout all eternity). I know for certain that he is “out there” somewhere. He exists; he may be alive or he may be dead (and thus he is a Spirit around me).
Here is my fantasy:
A man (any age: 19 or 90) really gets to know me, and he totally loves me. I also totally love him. Over the course of a few years we become close friends. We don’t have sex.
Eventually, this delightful, good-hearted, trustworthy man and I begin a sexual relationship. And it is good.
I travel, and he stays at home. We are both free to do whatever we want to do when I am away. And we don’t tell each other about it.
When I come home, there he is. Yeah.
That’s my dream of the perfect relationship. I long for it with all my heart.
I will never give up looking for him.
After this world is another world. Here in this material world, Spirits are all around us, guiding us. We can let go (of trying to control everything) since these Spirits are always guiding and helping us, even when we sleep. They will lead me to my True Love when the time is right.
In my dreams, while sleeping, I am often together with my Eternal Soulmate. It is my most blissful time.
For now, I must work on myself . Yoga and my other practices (meditation, travel, camping, writing, being a better friend, learning when and how to let go, nature studies, the Navajo Beauty Way, etc.) help me to go deeper into myself. I have dedicated my life to knowing myself well and becoming a better person, not only for my own sake, but also for the sake of my relationship with my One and Only, True, Eternal Love.
This search always on my mind. I am preoccupied with it when I get stoned.
For me, being reunited with “God” means being reunited with My Love. In Hindu texts (or is it Buddhist), it says that the Divine Marriage may be with someone who is in the flesh. THAT is the Eternal Soulmate, one’s literal “Other Half.”
Stephanie, my current CS host, describes Whitehorse and the whole Yukon, as a “bubble” funded by the government for the purpose of sovereignty (i.e., England must occupy the land strategically in order to hold on to it). Of course, living up here in any way other than in the ways that the First Nations people and the Inuit used to (and still do, in some places) is absurd and, in every conceivable way, completely fake.
Up here, we are very far from living sustainably or living in a harmonious relationship with nature. Yet, here we are, most of us up here in the Far North, because we love the land here.