At Chris’ house in Fairbanks. He has an uncanny connection with silence: like a yogi. We share the same birthday (but he was born in 1987). I got a wonderful HOT shower (a luxury in this hard-scrabble town).
I am getting used to all ways of living… in small doses. At a previous host’s house, the dogs spend their days outside in the dirt and their nights on the couch. I kicked them off the couch for two nights and slept well. I grew increasingly comfortable–as were my sweet hosts–with that outdoorsy style of living. I felt immune to and unaffected by the tiny, harmless bugs which began to share my body.
It was very hot yesterday when I arrived at Chris’ house, and I experienced the bugs as unwanted lodgers. Inthe Chris’ rarified, intellectual atmosphere of Chris’ home, my discomfort grew acute, while at the previous hosts’ house, living with dogs and their attendant parasites felt normal and natural.
Becoming a Healer
Requirements: patience. careful observation of people. understanding the search for love. sense of humor. self-love and care.
I know that everything I need will come to me; I only need to follow.
In An Unexpected Light (1999), Jason Elliot writes:
“…the moment you commit to a journey it takes on a unique life of its own, which no amount of agonizing in advance can foresee.”
I think it’s the same with healing as with travel. And, I guess, with life.
Is being overly-polite unhealthy? It certainly seems (to us Aspies anyway) to be a form of lying. Surely not being “authentic” or true to oneself. What is the balance between politeness and authenticity?
Fairbanks – 30,970 (Alaska’s 2nd largest city)
Fairbanks North Star Borough – 96,888
State of Alaska – 663,661 (42% reside in Anchorage)
A diverse wildlife population exists within urban Anchorage and the surrounding area. Approximately 250 black bears and 60 grizzly bears live in the area. Bears are regularly sighted within the city. Moose are a common sight. In the Anchorage Bowl, there is a summer population of approximately 250 moose, increasing to as many as 1000 during the winter. (~~Wikipedia)
Anchorage Municipality, Alaska
|Geography QuickFacts||Anchorage Municipality||Alaska|
|Land area in square miles, 2010||1,704.68||570,640.95|
|Persons per square mile, 2010||171.2||1.2|
|Metropolitan or Micropolitan Statistical Area||Anchorage, AK Metro Area|
At Chris’ house. He played the piano for me this evening. Peaceful and beautiful. I am loving it here, and, interestingly enough, I find that people are welcoming me with open arms. And I am just really enjoying surfing here.
Is it the long, cold, lonely winter and now the amazing, remarkable hot weather (it was 90 F. today) that makes these folks so darn friendly and warm? Is it that I am getting used to surfing and enjoying it more? And being a better, more relaxed guest?
As I say to my hosts (and I make this very obvious in my Couchsurfing profile), when I’m at your house, I am home. I have no where to go back to. Of course, I do think of New Orleans as my home off the road, as the place I want to go to die (and live, when I am no longer travelling ALL the time).
For now, every house/apartment/trailer/etc. I go to is home. Wherever I hang my hat is home. Amazing! I NEVER in a million years thought I would live a wild, carefree, happy life like this. I am living my dream.
Here’s what I wrote on Facebook today:
MONOGAMY DOES NOT WORK. Not exactly a news flash; we all know it’s a fact, and studies all over the world are proving this to be true. Having sex with just one person for your whole life? Many people–especially men–have affairs and they don’t talk about it (so it SEEMS like monogamy is working). Gay men are the most likely people to have sexual affairs outside of their primary relationships and to openly talk about it. They are honest about their needs. Can you be honest with yourself and with your partner about your needs? Have you repressed your needs because you think they are “wrong” or “bad”?
And another posting I made today:
This blog is like an open journal. It’s my thoughts and feelings and ideas, etc. and I share them with others.
Yesterday I told my new Aspie friend, Heather, that I didn’t see her at River City Cafe because I don’t look around at people. I mentioned being an Aspie, and that’s when I found out she, too, is an Aspie. Then, Heather said something about how she was shy. I agreed that I am shy, too.
Later I realized that I’m not “shy.” That’s just a word I have learned to use so I don’t hurt others’ feelings with the REAL reason I don’t look at people. The real reason is that I don’t care about most of the people around me. Unless I am going to meet them or if someone looks/acts/talks in a particularly interesting way, I am not interested in them. Why should I be?
I am not playing the social games most NTs are playing. We are like creatures in an aquarium: the fish are not playing with the snails, are they? No. They don’t play in the same way, and they are probably not very, if at all, interested in each other. They don’t hate each other, but they don’t like each other much either. Indifferent.
Got up about 4 am (birds singing all night long! wonderful!). Meditated and did yoga and stretching.
I understand that “fertile Gaia = chaos.” Everyday, when I wake up, I throw down a handful of pick-up-sticks (metaphor) and create my day. Or I re-create the self (small “s”) I had yesterday (with all its attendant likes, dislikes, abilities, disabilities, etc.) and go from there.
Day time (waking life) is like a memory with surprises: I create each day, I build it, on what is left-over from yesterday. And so, predictably, within half a minute (or less) of waking up, the new day is stale, old, routine, stifling, dull, and oppressive. Its demands are frightful, and its repetitiveness is numbing.
Yet every day things happen that I don’t expect and could never have planned for. That’s what’s new, and that’s what makes life interesting. We don’t have to HOPE this will happen; it will always happen. That’s the nature of life: fertile and chaotic. Creation and destruction.
Dreams are so different from waking life. Last night one of my dreams was about two people with polka dot pants and explosions. Ha ha.