I feel good. Been watching BBC’s (and PBS’) Sherlock Holmes. “He sees the battlefield,” says Mycroft of his little brother, Sherlock. The battlefield is Right and Wrong. Or Yin-Yang.
I realize that the SELF I know in dreams in ME. This “waking self” is temporary and full of addictions, compulsions and endless diversions. Oh, well…
I pray to St. Jude, the patron saint of impossible causes. I pray that John Blanton, my Eternal Soulmate, is OK.
One of my lessons in this life was ego. I had to realize how silly this material world EGO-TRIP is. It’s just a silly me. When I sleep and dream, I find the Real Me, my Self. Here on Earth, it’s the pseudo me, the pseudo self.
Mahatma Gandhi said that sacrifices are supposed to be made in a joyful way. If you can’t do that, then don’t make that sacrifice.
I think I have found my True Love. It’s John Blanton. Anyway, whomever it is, I am pledged to him. I am no longer looking for love and romance. Men in my life now are friends. It’s a big relief.
I pray to Spider Woman, too. The Navajo see her as weaving the web of the world every night. I love it.
I love the Midnight Sun. The days are SO long! I love love love it!!
Reading Daniel Tammet’s Embracing the Wide Sky (2009). Chip has the book here. Dan Tammet is a super-Aspie with one of those really unique brains (i.e., way of seeing). Here’s what he writes:
“Genius, in all its forms, is not due to any mere quirk of the brain; it is the result of far more chaotic, dynamic, and essentially human qualities such as perseverance, imagination, intuition, and even love. Such an understanding of the human mind enriches, rather than detracts from, the popular appreciation of the accomplishments of highly successful individuals.”
Daniel Tammet lives in England with his male partner.
Being good. Always consciously trying to be a better person. It’s a good practice.
I realized awhile ago that, in this lifetime on Earth, I am much stronger than I was in the last life. I am able to resist many things that I don’t want. Some things I let go of (like, food). I’m not obese and probably never will be. I eat, and drink, and I smoke pot without getting addicted (I can let go of these things when I want).
In little, remote towns like Tok, lots of people are very conservative, Christian, and against pleasure. It’s a hard life up here in many ways, with the long, very cold winter. So, they revert to basics, to things they learned in safer, happier times of childhood.
I feel self-conscious when I walk around town, singing with my iPod, stoned, and looking for the liquor store. Ha ha. I can only be who I am. I try to stay very under the radar. I guess I do this by looking like a classic “outsider” (snowbird or nomad) who passes through these cold towns in spring and summer.
I love KebMo’s song, Better Man. The lyrics are very good. Here’s the chorus:
“I’m gonna make my world a better place.
I’m gonna keep that smile upon my face.
I’m gonna teach myself how to understand.
I’m gonna make myself a better man.”
It’s best to focus on love and on what’s good and wonderful and on what brings me true contentment.
It’s fucking freezing up here though, and that’s just the truth. The folks who live here are going around in sleeveless shirts and T-shirts, and I’m still in long-johns and three shirts. Ha ha. I have gotten very unused to cold. It’s in the low 60s (F.). It’s not comfortable. It’s horrible. I can’t wait til it gets warmer.
Does it get warmer here in the summer? This is not weather I like, but it’s not bad. And it’s getting warmer every day.
I do love the Midnight Sun, though. I just keep saying it ’cause ah loves it.
Tammet quotes Richard Feynman (Nobel Prize-winning physicist:
“You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be: it’s their mistake, not my failing.”
Tammet does not agree with the theory of biological (genetic) determinism (p. 56). From Wikipedia:
Biological determination (also biologism) is the interpretation of humans and human life from a strictly biological point of view, and it is closely related to genetic determinism. Another definition is that biological determinism is the hypothesis that biological factors such as an organism’s individual genes (as opposed to social or environmental factors) completely determine how a system behaves or changes over time.
Consider certain human behaviors, such as having a particular taste in music, committing murder, or writing poetry. A biological determinist would posit that such behaviours, and personality traits in general, are mediated primarily by biological factors, such as genetic makeup. An extreme variant of biological determinism might assert that an organism’s behavior is determined entirely by biological factors, and that all of these factors are innate to that organism e.g. DNA. By asserting that biological factors are the primary determinants of behaviour, biological determinism implies of course that non-biological factors, such as social customs, expectations and education, have less or no effect on behaviour. Similarly, a variant of biological determinism might consider non-innate biological factors, such as the biological aspects of an organism’s environment, to have a lesser effect on the organism’s behaviour than innate biological factors.
Tammet does believe in the theory of biological variation:
Modern scientific explanations of human biological variation
Contemporary scientists hold that human physical variations, especially in those traits that are normally used to classify people racially—skin colour, hair texture, facial features, and to some extent bodily structure—must be understood in terms of evolutionary processes and the long-range adaptation of human groups to differing environments. Other features may simply reflect accidental mutations or functionally neutral changes in the genetic code.
I am a detective (like all Scorpios). Sometimes, in the search for my One, Eternal, True Love, I have sacrificed my pride in order to find out if some guy was the One. I have discovered a lot about people (men) this way.
While investigating in this way, I invest very little sentiment. Like Sherlock Holmes (BBC version), I know sentiment is an impediment (in MOST, not all, cases; love is a passionate sentiment; True Love lasts forever) to thought.
NT me–the fake person, the person made by my society–is dead. I am loved. “You’re nobody ’til somebody loves you.” I am somebody now.
Johnny Blanton loved me. He’s dead now, but I still am with him, and feeling his love, in Dreamland (when I sleep and dream). “So near, so far.” This belief in my one, eternal Soulmate is the sci-fi me. Most Aspies love science fiction. I thought I didn’t because I didn’t recognize this Soulmate belief as “sci-fi.” I don’t read science fiction or go to those movies. But I am a true believer in One Love. Ha ha. Funny.
I have a rich inner life.
I also have a rich outer life. Here in Tok, my outer, everyday, waking life goes something like this: eat and be online; go into town (mail, shop, socialize if possible, sing with iPod songs while walking 1.03 miles each way into Tok and back); online; drink some beer and smoke some pot. Food now: eggs, tea all day, English muffins, tuna with mayo and onions, carrots (raw), bananas, peanut butter.
More from Embracing the Wide Sky:
“… the idea that great creative acts are rooted in our biology does help to explain the persistence throughout our evolution of conditions such as epilepsy, schizophrenia, and autism. Even more, it reminds us of the humanity of even the world’s greatest creative geniuses.” (p. 171)
Tammet writes about growing up with Asperger Syndrome:
“Though I exhibited many of the most common traits of autism in childhood–social isolation, difficulties with abstract thought (‘seeing the bigger picture’), and communication problems–as an adult I lead a successful, happy, and independent life with a career, relationship, and numerous friends and intellectual pursuits.” (p. 19)
Asperger Syndrome characteristics include “intense focus on a topic, great powers of persistence and of observation, enormous curiosity, and a compulsion to make sense of the world. Asperger talents, (Michael) Fitzgerald* contends, ‘changed the world’.” (*see below for Fitzgerald; p. 171)
“This fluent ability to form associations between seemingly unconnected objects or ideas appears to be at the heart of autistic thought and extraordinary creativity (both artistic and scientific)–an observation that goes a long way towards explaining some of the peculiar features of both.” (p. 170)
“Biological analyses of several of (history’s best-known scientists)–including Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, Nikola Tesla, and Gregor John Mendel–by Michael Fitzgerald, a professor of psychiatry at Trinity College Dublin, suggest that they may all have found their genius through autism. (p. 171)
Tammet is famous for his unusual (“autistic savant”) Asperger brain. More from his book:
“Fellow notable ‘Aspergians’ include: Richard Borcherds, professor of mathematics at the University of California, Berkeley, and a winner of the prestigious Fields Medal–the mathematics equivalent of the Nobel Prize in economics; Professor Vernon L. Smith, winner of the Nobel Prize in economics; Bram Cohen, author of the BitTorrent computer downloading protocol; Dawn Prince-Hughes, PhD, a primate anthropologist and primatologist; and Satoshi Tajiri, the creator of Pokemon. In spite of such varied accounts of high achievement by autistic individuals, the ‘typical’ person with autism is still widely misperceived as being severely disabled, antisocial, and obsessed by exclusively trivial, impractical interests. But this is a cruel stereotype. The truth is that there is no one ‘typical’ form of autism; every autistic person is different.”
I go into Tok, singing loudly along with my iPod. I return an hour or so later, humming quietly along with my iPod. People look at me like I’m crazy or perhaps funny. The Native Americans up here just stare at me and some laugh. They look happy to see me singing. “The Gypsies are in town!” I yelled at one friendly, smiling man today.
“Have you heard the story of the little country boy?… All he really cares about is the one he loves.”