July 7, 2013

July 6

I know my social groups: 1.)  Traveller-Gypsies (and all nomads and travellers who are on the road full-time), 2.)   Aspies, and 3.)  musicians, artists, dancers, actors, writers, etc. (creative people who are often performers/entertainers).

Surfing with wonderful host, Mike London, at his little cabin in the woods of Talkeetna. I like how he thinks. Hidden, deep feelings. He inspires me to do yoga. With him I don’t have to hide my intelligence because he’s just as smart as me, and he doesn’t try to hide it.

“Specific Dream Rabbit” – from the BBC’s Sherlock Holmes.

Gypsies, nomads (travellers of all kinds–not tourists) see the battlefield that IS our society (is every society like this?). This is from Mycroft Holmes’ comment to Dr. John Watson that when you walk with Sherlock you “see the battlefield.”

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Wikipedia on Dr. John Watson:

In Conan Doyle’s early rough plot outlines, Sherlock Holmes’ sidekick was named “Ormond Sacker” before Conan Doyle finally settled on “John Watson”.

In the words of William L. De Andrea,

“Watson also serves the important function of catalyst for Holmes’s mental processes. […] From the writer’s point of view, Doyle knew the importance of having someone to whom the detective can make enigmatic remarks, a consciousness that’s privy to facts in the case without being in on the conclusions drawn from them until the proper time. Any character who performs these functions in a mystery story has come to be known as a ‘Watson’.”

In 1929, English crime writer and critic Ronald Knox stated as one of his rules for fledgling writers of detective fiction that,

“The stupid friend of the detective, the Watson, must not conceal from the reader any thoughts which pass through his mind; his intelligence must be slightly, but very slightly, below that of the average reader.”
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Talkeetna, Alaska

Population at 2010 census: 876

Talkeetna is located at 62°18′41″N 150°5′13″W (62.311397, -150.087053) at the confluence of three rivers, the Susitna, Chulitna and Talkeetna. The Talkeetna townsite was established in 1919 when the railroad surveyed and auctioned 80 lots. The average price at the sale was $14.25. Flightseeing, rafting, mountain biking, hiking, camping, fishing and hunting make up a large portion of the local economy. Talkeetna is a 2.5 hour drive from Anchorage, the largest city in Alaska. The core downtown area is classified as a National Historic Site, with buildings dating from the early 1900s including Nagley’s General Store, Fairview Inn and the Talkeetna Roadhouse.

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July 7

I left Mike London’s house this morning. He’s a peaceful, lover-type* of man with a strong spiritual bent. Intellectual.  (* I didn’t experience him as a physical, sexual lover, but I am sure he’s good. Ha ha. I just want to be friends with all these handsome, young men I meet through Couchsurfing.)

Now, I’m hanging out at Conscious Coffee; it’s raining outside. I’m waiting for Kayla to get  in touch. Her house is my next “home.” Her sense of time is less precise and more organic than mine.

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Sometimes I get lonely for My Special Someone (my Eternal Soulmate). I wish he was in my life. I wish we had a solid connection in this material life. That’s my longing for Heaven. It will come when both he and I are ready.

I don’t have a traditional home (a stable safe place to return to whenever I want). And few people really know me. “Even Cowgirls get the blues… sometimes.” I wish I had Someone (that Special Someone, not just anyone). But I know I have a little ways to go before I’m ready for him. I’m still possessive, jealous, and rather preoccupied with sex. I am getting over these lower states now.

Usually, I brush off the blues. I know things will change and get better. I know life is about learning, changing and growing. And I know that contentment and balance are better than excitement and happiness (though I love those states of mind). Contentment is a natural state of acceptance of life.

Before I knew all this about the blues, my response was curiosity (where does this lead? if I pursue this feeling-state, where will I end up?) and dismay (it profoundly disturbed me to have the blues). Now I know where it can lead (to suicide) and I know that I just have to STAY POSITIVE and WAIT. In time, the blues will end, and I’ll feel great again.

The blues can be caused by something as simple as being constipated. It doesn’t signal either death, failure, or being unloved and abandoned. And if by chance these things are indicated (failure, for example, which happens to all of us occasionally), I know these things are 1.) emotions (not fact or logic),  2.) natural and normal, and 3.) surmountable with time and inner calm/peace.

I rebalance myself to a state of inner peace through yoga and meditation, positive affirmations, positive experiences, recalling positive memories, being in nature and around animals/birds/etc., and with help from good people. Compassion means that you see the battlefield that life is and you know that everyone suffers sometimes. “All life ends; all hearts are broken” (Mycroft to Sherlock when the latter asks him if something is “wrong with us” because they don’t CARE like other people do.)

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Sherlock Holmes (BBC interpretation) is an Aspie with deep, hidden feelings. His heart (emotion) is hidden, camouflaged,  and deep–with a pronounced sense of the fantastical; his head (brain) is obvious, unusual, and. As LeStrade, the police detective-inspector, says, (Sherlock) is a great man, and someday, hopefully, he will be a good man.

Heard an owl in the woods last night at Mike’s. Five-hoot call: who-whowho-who-who.

Wrote on Facebook today:

I wish to hell I would find that Special Someone (my Eternal Soulmate). I have been looking for him forever. Perhaps I will have to be satisfied (in this lifetime) to be alone, to be a solo adventurer, and to reunite with him every night in my dreams. But I long for his physical presence in my life everyday.

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Once I understood that life is a battlefield, living became easier. Everyone is competing and fighting, and I am not the target. I don’t need to take things–like others’ aggression and anger– personally. And I can accept my own competitiveness and aggression.  I just wade on through the dangerous, inner swamps, deserts, thick forests, and deep oceans without holding on. I don’t linger among the alligators, moose, and sharks; I escape the burning sun and the freezing cold. I return to my peaceful place as if returning home after a long journey.  I seriously wish this calm, inner place had a physical/material world equivalent.

It’s almost absurd, almost indecent, how much I am learning from my Couchsurfing cronies. Among the qualities they bring out and teach me are: patience, optimism, love, compassion, less egotism, more humility (putting others first), and faith. It’s the Truth. Being myself and being human (with all the faults involved) are two more lessons.

I am accepting the mysteries of life with something approaching surrender. I finally know for a fact that I don’t always know best and I certainly don’t know everything. So I have to trust others sometimes. OK… often.

And I trust that spirits exist and that they protect and guide me constantly. That’s a huge leap, just like the belief in my One Eternal Soulmate (the Divine Marriage). “When you believe in things you don’t understand, then you suffer” (that’s a line from the song “Superstition”).  I do suffer for my beliefs. Leaps of faith require sustained energy, and, when the energy lags, it’s psychically painful.

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Talkeetna is super casual and super small. I think I really like it here… or is it just the hot guys I met here? I am always on the lookout for new home-bases, afterall, Ojai and Boulder aren’t really homebases; they are just places to land where I have family (and where I love to camp). New Orleans is my one true home-base because I love THE PLACE. Could Talkeetna be #2?

Met a Venezuelan family at Nagley’s today. The dad told me that, while the ATM/bank rate was 3 bolivars to one American dollar when I was there (in January, 2013), now it’s 30 bolivars to one US dollar (on the Black Market). A year ago, he said, it was 9 bolivars for $1 US. I don’t pretend to understand this.

I must educate myself about issues such as the Venezuelan situation because no one is willing to explain it to me. The Venezuelan dad at Nagley’s just shook his head and said no more when I said that I didn’t understand what’s happening there. I have also asked for explanations from my Venezuelan Couchsurfing friends, but to no avail.

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Two is a number to which many people give short-shrift. They don’t like the idea that, like the number One (the individual, the Self, I), Two stands alone. This is the space where I-and-the-Other (for me: my Eternal Soulmate) live and enjoy each other, as in the tantric figure of the Eternal Two in an eternal (sexual) embrace.

Where the Divine Couple meet may be a dream-space (that is, they find each other in their night dreams) or it may be that they have found each other in physical form (oh, you fortunate souls!). But the number Two does exist, and it stands alone: Two Beings United As One. Each lucky, eternal couple engages in constant play, consumed with each other. I think that in this blessed state the Soulmates can send out energy to help  other people to find their soulmates.

Many people assert that we all have many soulmates. That’s where faith and belief in “things you don’t understand” comes into play. I know what I believe, and I don’t know if it’s true or not. But it’s what I believe. It’s my all-time, favorite fantasy.

All I have to learn now is to respect my Soulmate (when I find him) and allow him to live HIS life without my interference and with my unconditional, unpossessive support.

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