Here’s what I posted on Facebook today:
Being part of a social minority group and NOT wanting to assimilate means many things that the average White person in America does not understand. It mens not being the standard, not thinking you are someone others look up to and (want to) emulate. It means lots of things. The behavior of your average White person in the USA is repugnant to me, and yet I act the same way often.
It gives me advantages sometimes to act White. Since I AM White, sometimes I am forced by other social minorities to act White. They don’t know why I am part of social minoritiy groups; they can’t see where I fit in and where I don’t fit in. Who I am socially is hidden.
It is more truthful to act like part of the social minority. As a bastard, an adoptee, member of a hated social group (Germans in post-WW II USA), an autistic, etc., I am definitely skilled in appearing to belong while I actually don’t belong.
The fact is that I don’t belong in ANY social group. “Third-culture kids” is a similar thing, but they all have three cultures they belong to (eg. born into one culture, parents from another culture, raised or spend significant amounts of time in another culture). So, actually, no one understands who I am socially and I don’t fit in anywhere. Facts of life.
I could be in a group called: Bastards or Outcasts or Misfits or some such. Many people are in this group. Where are they all? Do we recognize each other? Actually, all members of this group are, by definition, unique (that’s how we qualify for membership in a group without a name).
My social and personal”experiments” (like panhandling, having street boyfriends, prostitution, hitchhiking, American Traveller-Gypsy, camping for months at a time, and even the whole way I raised my kids [i.e., to accept diversity and truth]) were all not only made possible by but also were an inherent, even unavoidable part of my social and personal position. That is, I lived according to WHO I AM (sometimes called “authenticity”).
What I find is that no one really understands who I am in public. When I know someone and talk to them awhile, they get an idea of who I am. Otherwise, I can’t really relate to people socially.
I am misunderstood in public situations, and, because of that, I am also quite invisible. This position has given me a lot of freedom to do what I wanted to do. I also have to be careful; being socially misunderstood can be dangerous.
Being an Aspie (Asperger Syndrome) means I am more comfortable out in public when I am alone. So this stuff about not being able to relate to people socially is OK. When I am with someone in public (if that person is not an Aspie), I mostly just focus on them and I have no idea, if we are walking in a city for example, of where we are. It’s notable and funny, and I have had other Aspies tell me the same thing happens to them. When I’m alone I am totally focused on me and where I am and where I’m going. I can’t do this well when I’m with an NT in public.
Thank Shakti and Shiva (Goddess and God, husband and wife, Hinduism) for blogging and just plain old writing. I am learning who I am by blogging about myself.
My life = looking for love.
Re-reading THE TAO OF PHYSICS. Did I ever read it before? Life-changing. I see that everything is the same, whether in the house (where I have traditionally felt “safe”) and outside in the “world of scary strangers.”
Aspies’ new tricks:
1.) Unifying details in unique ways. This is a form of spirituality or physics!
2.) Not assimilating; not conforming. Devising new ways to interact socially and interpersonally.
3.) Aspies are not “shy” though many describe themselves thusly. What is usually happening is that we end up talking with NTs who talk “a different language” than we do. As with someone who is literally speaking another language that we know very little of and which is not our native language, we eventually reach a point where we can no longer pretend to either understand or be able to converse with them. At this point, many autistics feign shyness. They may actually believe they are shy; I believe it is instead the process I have described above.
There must be groups of people (tribes) living, say in the jungles of Colombia, who do Ayahuasca everyday (or at least very often) so that the Ayahuasca reality is their main (only?) reality. And everyone–even the kids–do the drug. I would like to know more about this.
From Suzy (on Facebook) in Cumana, Venezuela (one of the CSers I did Ayahuasca with early this year):
Be that ayahuasca is a permanent ritual tribe of Indians Putumayo in Colombia. From small from 5 years and their mothers send them to take ayahuasca. Just as fire rituals that Indians from other countries do every day, they drink ayahuasca.
Putumayo Indians already born with that. It’s in their roots. No fine until point your only reality is this. Because there comes a time where they do not live the same experiences as you and I live. The effect of the medicine in them and is different by the time it takes taking it.
Flooding in Boulder, Colorado. Sam, Meg and Archer (and Jeramy, who is stuck in Boulder at his sister’s house) are all fine up in Rollinsville, far from the flooding.